You know how when you meet someone new in your town, you have never met or seen them before, but once you have that first formal introduction, you start seeing them EVERYWHERE? Well, that holds true for cancer "testimonies" as well. Before diagnosis, Jeremy and I had certainly heard the occasional story of someone's mother, father, relative fighting cancer. We even had cancer in our own families... Jeremy's grandmother, my aunt... but once Jeremy was diagnosed with cancer, it seemed to be everywhere. Old, young, friends, strangers... nearly every day, we learned of someone battling cancer. The difference with hearing about cancer through friends, acquaintances, or on the news now, versus before Jeremy's diagnosis is huge. Before, we'd shake our heads in pity and forget about it. Now, every time we hear about cancer, it's like an old enemy, sticking his ugly head back in your life. Reminding you that although it's gone from your body, it will never be out of your life. At first, I thought of it as a normal coincidence, given our recent battle. Today, I realize just how far from a coincidence this is. It is a very real, intentional portion of the cosmic battle going on around us. Just as real as God has revealed himself to be -- so is Satan.
Jeremy and I have sung the praises of all God has done for us. We've made it known to everyone, the good that has come out of what Satan meant for harm. On February 8th, when the cancer was surgically removed, we let out a sigh of relief. We celebrated Jeremy's healing. Our minds and hearts were renewed. We had come through the other side. We went on with our life NOT as normal; instead we faced each day with thankfulness and a new perspective and seeking daily direction from the Almighty.
Perhaps our guards were let down a bit, mentally. Either way, our old enemy was not letting go of us.
On Monday, I shared my testimony of how God is working in my life with my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. I had prayerfully prepared this testimony over the last month. I shared with Jeremy, that I believed at least one woman who I was sharing with, needed to hear and apply it. Jeremy and I prayed together, that God would prepare the hearts of the ladies to receive what I had to say. I had my entire "talk" written out. The morning of my testimony, Jeremy and I discussed how he hadn't yet read what I was sharing that morning with fellow mothers. He was living it. He didn't need to read about it.
That evening, Jeremy was updating me on an acquaintance through work who was battling cancer that had matastisized from his lungs, to his brain, liver "he's pretty much eaten up with it". I could sense Jeremy's heavy heart as he explained how he was trying to make sense of it all. "Did they diagnose this person's primary cancer too late? Did they miss something in a follow-up?" Jeremy was hearing so much about his old enemy. And most of what he was hearing lately, seemed to be stories of sufferers of this disease who appeared to be losing the battle. Satan was getting a grip on Jeremy. I could see Jeremy's anxiety, as his own three month follow-up with the Oncologist rapidly approaches. His next CT scan is less than two weeks from today.
The next day (yesterday), I asked Jeremy if he'd had a chance to read the testimony I had shared on Monday. He asked me to forward it to him so he could read it. Neither of us anticipated the impact it would have on Jeremy. He had lived it, yes. But he needed to reflect on it with his newly transformed heart and mind.
I have this blog to help me reflect and receive God's guidance through our journey. I have been thinking about and preparing my testimony for over a month. "Re-living" our story and how God has performed many wondrous miracles along the way. I prayed; I reflected on our trial. Jeremy needed to step back and do the same.
His response was a surprise. He told me my testimony was amazing, and that he needed to read that more than I could imagine. He told me that if I still wondered who needed to hear this, it was him! He thanked me for sharing it.
My heart was so full. God's work was all over this interaction between Jeremy and I. Satan was attacking Jeremy with anxiety over the long-haul of his follow-up. God spoke to Jeremy, first in our bible reading that day, in Corrinthians. Paul shares about God speaking to him about his shortcomings: "My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into it's own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become"
Jeremy's (and my) faith and confidence were strengthened through this bible reading and the reading/re-living of the testimony I shared on Monday. Our testimony is proof, and our bible readings that day support, that God's most wondrous works are performed when it appears most hopeless.
If we keep our eyes fixed on Christ, he will conquer our enemies:
Exodus 23:20-24
"Now get yourselves ready. I'm sending my Angel ahead of you to guard you in your travels, to lead you to the place I've prepared. Pay close attention to him. Obey him. Don't go against him. He won't put up with your rebellions because he's acting on my authority. But if you obey him and do everything I tell you, I'll be an enemy to your enemies, I'll fight those who fight you..."
