Our God is Greater

Another week of radiation complete, followed by a wonderful Christmas celebrating the birth of our Savior.  The Christmas Eve Open House was wonderful.  Jeremy and I loved having our family and so many friends stop by on Christmas Eve.  It was cold outside, but our house was filled with the warmth of love, laughter and hot cocoa.   It was a wonderful night.  Jeremy napped a little in the afternoon and was able to stay wide awake for our entire evening, including a beautiful candle light service at our church with my parents.
Christmas morning and the following days, were filled with countless additional blessings with my and Jeremy's family.  I stated in the last post that this wasn't the Christmas Jeremy and I had dreamed of, and that's true.  But I know, that had we not come to know God the way we do now through this trial, we wouldn't be so aware of how Great our God really is!  Each visit to the doctor, God shows us how great he is.  Greater than we know, greater than the doctors know, and far greater than this cancer.
Monday afternoon, we went to our weekly appointment with the Oncologist after Jeremy's treatment.  The doctor glanced through the file, looked up at us - delighted, and said, "This tumor is melting."  We are half-way through radiation treatment and the tumor is 50% the size it started out at.  He told us not to expect it to continue shrinking.  That this may be as small as it gets.  My heart smiled knowingly at that statement.  Our God is Greater.
So, as far as the treatment plan assigned to Jeremy's case, "this is an excellent delivery and we are very pleased with the results so far."  Jeremy and I remain in awe of God's power, love and presence in our lives.  We're so thankful for the transformation God is making in us, that we are sincerely taking joy in this trial.

Determined to have a Merry Christmas

Well, I'm definitely in the middle of holiday season chaos.  It's the day before Christmas Eve and we still have a few things to buy.  Jeremy and I have been pretty successful at remembering the most important gift of the season, our Savior Jesus Christ, and we've been able to guard ourselves from most of the stress that comes with the holiday.
Jeremy is starting to feel the effects of radiation.  He's suffered through nausea every day for about 2 hours following his treatment.  And the exhaustion is becoming more intense.  It's hard for me to see him so worn out and uncomfortable.  Especially during this exciting and joyful time of the year.  I pray that God will provide him with a renewed strength so Jeremy can enjoy the love and excitement surrounding him.
Today is Jeremy's last treatment for the week.  He'll have Friday and the weekend off for Christmas.  We're hosting an open house tomorrow evening.  I look forward to celebrating with friends and family before we head off to the Christmas Eve church service.  Jeremy loves a party.  I know that being around his dear friends and family will lift his spirit.  This isn't the Christmas he or I would have dreamed of, of course.  But, I know God will continue to surprise us with his blessings at such a time as this.
"Ask the Father for whatever is in keeping with the things I've revealed to you.  Ask in my name, according to my will, and he'll most certainly give it to you.  Your joy will be a river overflowing its banks."  John 16:23-24

A Stack of Blessing

We've just returned from our weekly visit with the Oncologist.  In just six treatments, the tumor is already shrinking.  This is great news!  The doctor says if we make it through the next week with the same results and minimal side effects, it will be considered "smooth sailing" from here to surgery day.

Thank you, Father!  You never cease to amaze us.

Jeremy's beginning to feel a little anxious about the radiation in general, as the possible adverse side effects of this aggressive treatment sink in.  He says when he's all set up to receive treatment each day, he panics a little when he hears the pitter-patter of technicians' feet running from the radiation targeted right at his body.  (It's okay to laugh at that a little. I did.)  The doctor took a good amount of time with us again today, pointing out the mapping of radiation on Jeremy's scan.  He showed us that the spinal cord is receiving less than 15% radiation.  So, this is encouraging Jeremy that the tumor is very well targeted, and sparing most adverse effects to healthy body parts (including his spinal cord).  This is cancer we're dealing with.  An ugly, deadly, disease.  Of course the treatment is somewhat risky.  Jeremy and I are praising God for such specialized and effective treatment available right here in our home town.  We are blessed to be able to continue on with day-to-day family activities while he receives treatment.  We're thankful we're not hassling with childcare and lodging to receive out-of-town care, like many patients at this hospital are dealing with.

So, another day of joy, encouragement and peace.  God is good- all the time!

"What a stack of blessing you have piled up for those who worship you, Ready and waiting for all who run to you to escape an unkind world."  Psalm 31:19 The Message

One Week Down

The first week of radiation is complete, 25 treatments remaining.  Jeremy is feeling good.  The effects of radiation therapy are cumulative, so if there are going to be any negative side effects, they'll present themselves as he continues with the therapy.  He's working like normal, and taking time at the end of each day to attend radiation.  After only five days, it's already becoming monotonous for him.  He gave the following analogy:  

"It's like going into Dillards, picking out a pair of jeans (always the same pair), going into a fitting room and trying them on, changing back into my clothes and leaving the store without purchasing the jeans.  Every day the same routine.  It takes just about as long, and it feels about as productive."  

I laugh at his analogy, but it's actually a pretty good one.  However, we know that each radiation treatment is very effective alone as well as collectively.  We know it's killing the cancer and shrinking the tumor.  One day at a time.  

In the meantime, we will not lose sight of the important work of God even in the monotonous moments.  We've learned that adversity occurs often and without warning.  So, we will continue to study his Word and hide it in our hearts so we will be better prepared to face and see through any adversity down this road.  

I pray Jeremy and I will seek God's will for each day and know that every interaction and event that occurs in our everyday life, occurs as part of a much greater purpose. I know something big is happening in our lives right now.  I know we will look back at this trial and be amazed at how God has worked in every detail of this to make it glorify Him.  I pray that we joyfully complete each task God places before us daily.  

"But you -- Keep your eye on what you're doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God's servant" 2 Timothy 4:5

My note to Jeremy today

Today's devotion was awesome:  "We pray that you'll have strength to stick it out over the long haul, not the grim strength of gritting your teeth, but the glory-strength God gives.  A strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy."  AMEN!  "Thanking the Father who makes us STRONG ENOUGH to take part in everything bright and beautiful he has for us."
Jeremy, because of our newly found devotion to the Father, it is so obvious that WE have this glory-strength.  I'm  certain that our future IS bright and breathtakingly beautiful.  I'm so thankful - taking such joy - in this trial.  
Happy second day of radiation. One day closer to coming through the other side of this shining brightly for Christ!

Where We Want To Be

We've just returned from the first radiation treatment and meeting with Dr. Zlotecki (Radiation Oncologist).  We received our miracle... The PET scan results showed no metastases!  This cancer is self-contained.  We are relieved and giving God all of the glory for this report.  We are right where we want to be.
Radiation therapy began today.  Jeremy is very pleased with his doctor and radiation technicians.  He's already calling them by their first names and building relationships with everyone in the office... in true Jeremy style.  They will love him, just like we do, well before he is through with his treatment.  It's so great to see him relieved, enthusiastic and optimistic about beating this cancer.
After radiation is complete, and probably right before his surgery to remove the tumor, he will have another full body CT scan.  This will be done every three months, for the next three years.  Then, every six months for two years, and then annually.  The statistics for a Liposarcoma that is high grade, like Jeremy's, give a 3 in 10 metastases probability.  We believe Jeremy is one of the seven who will be completely cured.
God has comforted us with his peace from the beginning and we are certain we are seeing a miracle worked out in Jeremy's life.  We're on day one of treatment and we've already come so far.  We are on the right path, the one God has laid out for us. It has been filled with so many blessings and miracles that we don't want to get off track.  We want to continue to see God, who makes everything work together, work us into his most excellent harmonies (Phil 4:8-9)

The Start Line

We've made it to the "start" line.  This afternoon, we expect to know the results of Friday's PET scan and Jeremy will receive the first of 28 radiation therapy treatments. I've learned already, we don't always get what we expect.  Of course we want answers, but we wait patiently, knowing we may not get answers at all - or may not get the answers we want.  But, God gives us what we need.

Today's devotion, was my favorite verse in the bible:  Philippians 4:6-7  (The Message) "Do not fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayer, letting God know your concern.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for the good, will come and settle you down.  It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

I have experienced first hand, this "sense of God's wholeness... settling me down".  It's indescribable and indeed wonderful.  We will not worry today.  No matter what, we are glad about the wonderful things Christ is doing in us through this journey.  

I will update the blog this evening with any information we get from today's appointment.  Thank you, for praying with us.  

  

Patience in the Waiting

It's two days until Jeremy's PET scan that will tell us if there is any other cancer wreaking havoc in his body; five days until he begins treatment to fight this horrible disease; 24 days until Christmas; 33 days until his last radiation treatment; and at least 47 days until his tumor is surgically removed.

Anybody will agree that waiting is the hardest part of anything you go through in life - good and bad.  When it's a trial your waiting to finish, it can be agonizing.  But, as God has amazingly, but not surprisingly, continued to do these last couple weeks, he equips us with everything we need to get through each day.  His written word has become more relevant, fulfilling, promising and alive than ever before in my or Jeremy's life!

Jeremy and I talk more openly about our personal relationship with God and it has deepened our love for one another.  God is truly changing us, making us fit for his kingdom.

The waiting is painful, but, we find ourselves turning our anxieties over to Christ several times a day. And God graciously provides us with His strength and peace. Satan is not giving up on us easily.  We remain aware of this and fight back with a vengeance.  And we're not fighting this alone with "positive thinking" or finding "inner strength and peace" that nonbelievers are left to rely on.  Sadly they may not realize the truth that man will always fail you - especially your own sinful self.  Instead, we fight with the armor of Christ, brothers and sisters in Christ, and most powerful and just as real - God's Holy Spirit.

"...the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along.  If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter.  He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.  He knows us far better than we know ourselves, and keeps us present before God.  That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."  Romans 8:26-28 The Message

Giving Thanks

It was a blessed Thanksgiving with my family today.  Jeremy and I have enjoyed this entire week while he was on vacation from work.  We spent a lot of time doing very little.  It was quite different from the week we thought we'd have before his diagnosis.  We were planning to be in North Carolina with Jeremy's family.  Enjoying an exciting, chaotic, Howard family Thanksgiving.  Instead, we didn't have any extraordinary adventures, but delighted in the restful moments at home.  It reminds me of something our pastor said in church on Sunday:  "It's only when you're engaged in the battle, that you will understand the rest on the other side is sweet".

Yesterday, Jeremy received a call with the official date to begin treatment.  On Friday, December 3, he will have the PET scan and on Monday, December 6, he will begin radiation therapy.  Although we were anticipating an earlier date to begin radiation therapy, we must remain content that this is part of God's plan, therefore perfect timing.  We pray, daily, that God will lead Jeremy and I on the path that he has set for us.  So there is no doubt this is His way.  We will continue to trust that God has completely stopped any progression of this cancer.

Of course I can't close this post without highlighting some of the many things I'm thankful for:

• My husband.  I would never have asked for any of what he is having to go through.  But, his faith and strength has inspired me.  Our relationship has immediately gotten even stronger.  I love seeing God change him through this test of faith.  And I'm so proud of how he is allowing himself to be changed and remaining faithful to God.
• A new perspective.  A week ago, I wasn't able to see past the storm.  All of my blessings seemed so much smaller than the trial ahead of me.  Today, I'm resting in His peace that passes all understanding. I'm thanking Him, every moment, for this time with Jeremy before radiation begins.  Where we can enjoy each other and mature our faith and our marriage.  Focus on our newfound perspective of what is really important in life.
• Healthy children.  The sniffles, coughs and runny noses, make me thankful it's my biggest concern for them.
• Family.  We are so blessed to have strong Christian families on both sides.  To pray with us, counsel us and spend time together.  We are thankful we don't have to travel far to see anyone in our family at a moment's notice.
• Friends.  Talk about not knowing how great your friends really are until you need them.  I have never asked for help other than prayers.  The support has been immediate and overflowing.

"In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Joy Comes In the Morning

We're ending this day with happy and hopeful hearts.  We met with Dr. Zlotecki today, and we finally have some news that backs up our peace, comfort, hope and faith.  The doctor showed us the images of his tumor.  He explained that it is an aggressive, "angry" cancer.  That it must be treated with the same aggressiveness it shows.  The upper left area of the tumor is where the malignant cells have formed.  The center of this malignant area is necrotic (meaning the cancer has outgrown it's blood supply).  It will be seeking blood from elsewhere to continue growing.  I understand this to be where the risk of spreading comes in.
Therefore, we will attack this cancer unmercifully with radiation for the next 28 days, beginning next week (most likely on Wednesday of next week).  He was optimistic that we will shrink and nearly kill (if not completely) the cancerous cells and tumor, so that there is a smaller tumor to remove, with clearer margins.  This will give us better assurance that we will not be fighting Sarcoma again 5 or so years down the road.
Jeremy will have a PET scan within the next few weeks.  This is a full body scan, that will show the presence of active cells (cancer) growing somewhere else in his body, particularly his lungs (where a couple small spots were noticed on a CT scan last week).  Dr. Zlotecki seemed very confident that a PET Scan in a few weeks will show NO cancer anywhere else in his body, even the lungs.
Jeremy was marked for radiation, fitted to a machine and given the "what to expects" of radiation.  He will go once a day, five days a week, for 28 days.  After radiation and rest, we trust that the tumor will have shrunk and nearly died, if not more, for efficient removal.  The best case scenario, is that the tumor will respond to radiation (shrink) allowing the surgeon to remove the entire tumor "on a block" without touching any cancerous cells (as doing so could result in leakage of cancer 'seeds' - causing increased likelihood of recurrence/spreading).  There may be a small layer of muscle removed, but this should have little effect on the functionality of his back muscles.
At the end of today's appointment, after saying goodbye to the doctor, he stuck his head back in the room and said (of the PET scan and radiation therapy), "It's going to be good".
I wanted to dance out of that doctor's office!  This is no doubt an aggressive cancer, with potential to do great harm.  But we feel we have caught this in time to have an effective treatment and complete removal of Lipo Sarcoma.  Thank you God!  I believe the peace and confidence I felt yesterday, was God revealing the results that today's meeting with the doctor confirmed.  We give God all the glory for today's encouraging news.  Our hope is in God, not in doctor's reports or tests.  But today, our hope and confidence was confirmed and met with a positive outlook from the doctor as well.  We're encouraged, energized and ready to continue the unfolding of this amazing testimony.  We will be joyful in hope, patient in this affliction, and faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12).  "Though sorrow may last through the night, His joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

The Power of Prayer

It's been a very full weekend.  We put out all of our Christmas decorations yesterday.  Although it felt weird to put it all up before Thanksgiving, it was a fabulous distraction.  I told Jeremy he had to get up in the attic and get down "Christmas" now, while he has no valid excuse for not doing it.  :) Who knows how he will feel in a week or two.  The kids loved watching the tree go up, and helping with unloading boxes.

We cannot express enough our gratitude for the complete outpouring of love and prayers.  We've just come home from an evening with our church family group who spent the greater part of our meeting praying for Jeremy.  Then we came home to eat a dinner lovingly prepared for us by one of our family group members.
Every day, we learn of more people - many whom we have never met - praying for Jeremy and our family.  I believe there are hundreds!  We are not only praying for a miracle... we are expecting it and thanking God for it.  In fact, Jeremy points out that we've already witnessed a miracle.  His kidney stone brought us to this awareness.  If it hadn't been for the stone and CT scan to follow up, we'd be continuing on just as he has for the last 15 years.  Doing nothing and knowing nothing about this rare cancer growing, and eventually spreading through his body. We already see how God is changing us, and making good out of what the enemy meant for harm.  This trial is sickening.  It is difficult, sad, frightening and exhausting.  But, without it, we would not be able to experience first hand, God's peace, comfort, strength, power, sovereignty and grace.

Our current challenge is anxiety.  Jeremy has moments where even though he knows the truths to get him through, his body reacts to the stress and unknowns of this whole situation.  I have always struggled with being an anxious person, so I am very aware of what he's going through and it breaks my heart.  I fret when I think ahead and ponder the unknowns.  When I worry about statistics and what other scary surprises may be ahead.  But I remind myself every moment, that we are commanded to think on things that are true, lovely and praiseworthy  (Philippians 4:8).  That we should not worry or fret, but instead let petitions and praises shape our worries into prayer, letting God know our concern (Philippians 4:6).  We are choosing to take this trial a day at a time and try very hard not to think ahead.  We lay our burdens at the feet of Jesus and let him carry us through.  Jeremy and I are a shining example of the power of prayer. I am so thankful for my family, my brothers and sisters in Christ, who are interceding on our behalf.  When we don't have the words, or the strength, we have assurance that there are many who are praying us through this.

Tomorrow, we pray for no surprises.  We expect to leave the appointment encouraged, and more prepared to fight this cancer to it's permanent death!

This morning's devotional was on the healing power of our Lord Jesus! We believe that is no coincidence.

Armor of God

We have an appointment with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Robert Zlotecki, on Monday afternoon.  At that appointment, we expect to discuss the long term treatment plan, set Jeremy up for radiation therapy (markings, discuss how it will be done, side effects, etc), and establish his radiation schedule.

The waiting to begin radiation is difficult.  But, in a conversation with God early this morning, he revealed to me that we are not waiting and doing nothing.  God's already begun.  Yes, we are waiting on the portion of this battle under our control to begin (with weapons of this world), but thankfully God started working long ago, we're just aware now.

So, this morning, and every morning, we put on the whole armor of God and join the spiritual battle already begun, with confidence in knowing God has WON.  "...For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil..."  Satan will not overcome us with fearful thoughts and lies.

Jeremy and I continue to be overwhelmed by the support of our friends and family.  Thank you, first and foremost for the prayers, for the dinners, for the conversations of support.

Matthew's school is hosting a Parent's Night Out tonight.  Matthew and Ava will enjoy pizza and a movie, while Jeremy and I enjoy a dinner and time alone together.  We are thankful for so much.  Especially that he feels healthy today and we will savor our date tonight.  :)

Sinking In

So, I've never written a blog and haven't even read many belonging to others, but here goes.  I thought this may be a good way to keep everyone updated while keeping me off the phone and back to as much "normalcy" as possible with the kids and Jeremy.
We're three days out from "the news" and even though we're just entering the storm, Jeremy and I are confident we will come through the other side of this, as a good friend of mine put it, "shining for Christ".
Here's the background:
When Jeremy was about 18-years-old, he noticed a lump on his lower back.  He brought it to the attention of a doctor, who assured him it was a benign fatty cyst.  Jeremy has spent the last 15 years, bringing it up at occasional physical examinations, but not worrying much about it after continued reassurance of it's harmlessness.  The tumor didn't seem to grow or change and gave Jeremy no problems, other than annoyance.  A few weeks ago, Jeremy passed a kidney stone.  The first ever, for him.  And ironically, only a year after I passed a couple of my own.  Once Jeremy explained his pain to me and his brother (who has also passed several stones), he planned to do nothing but take some pain pills and pass it.  Our primary physician suggested Jeremy have a CT scan of his kidneys to confirm a kidney stone and check for how many there may be.  The radiologist reading the CT scan was more concerned with the picture he happened to get of this tumor on Jeremy's back than the kidney stone.  The radiologist suggested an MRI for a better look at the tumor and we were then referred to a specialist, Dr. Mark Scarborough at Shands Orthopaedics, who specializes in soft tissue tumors.  On Monday, Jeremy visited Scarborough with a copy of the CT and MRI.  Dr. Scarborough performed a biopsy and told us that statistically speaking, this has a greater chance of being benign than malignant, but that the picture looks suspicious.  Fast forward two hours, we're back with Dr. Scarborough discovering the biopsy came back as malignant and a soft tissue sarcoma.  A rare cancer of the soft tissues.
Yesterday (Wednesday), we received the pathology report that gave us more information:  This is a High Grade Lipo Sarcoma, Stage 2a.  It is common for sarcomas to spread to the lungs, so a CT scan was done on Jeremy's lungs the same day as the biopsy.  Unfortunately, there are a few tiny spots on his lungs.  It is very likely these spots are benign, but because of his Lipo Sarcoma, it is also a possible matastasis.  We will know more definitively in about 5 weeks with another scan of his chest.
The treatment plan as of today, is 4-5 weeks of radiation followed by 2-3 weeks of rest (when he will have another scan of his chest) and then removal of the tumor.  He will undergo radiation every day (maybe twice a day), five days a week, to kill the cancer, shrink the tumor and define clearer margins for the most efficient removal.
His first appointment will be tomorrow or Monday at the latest.  The actual radiation therapy may not begin until after Thanksgiving.
Depending on the results of the follow-up CT scan after radiation, he may undergo chemotherapy.
Right now, we're taking it step by step.
It was a very hard first two days for Jeremy and everyone who loves him.  However, I called every praying person I know (with the help of our family) and within hours of his diagnosis, HUNDREDS of prayers began. On Tuesday evening, Jeremy was overcome with a peace that passes all understanding... we know that is God's peace and comfort.
He woke up Wednesday morning with an attitude that is inspirational.  He's ready to fight it, kill it, and share his miraculous testimony with others.  I loved him already.  But I am inspired by him now.  He is holding tight to God's promises and trusting in a plan that is completely unknown to us right now!
I will continue to vent, pray, testify and share here as often as possible.  We're so thankful to have so much support through each step of this journey.  We know there are deep valleys ahead, but we will  take joy in these trials, mature our faith, and persevere!  Philippians 4:11-15